December 2010
2 posts
8 tags
I felt so happy I almost cried
I was talking all weekend about how Phil Spector songs constitute little snowglobes of perfection, of short periods in life when there’s a pure emotion that hasn’t been tainted yet, regardless of which emotion.
The snowglobes of each Phil Spector song keep those ephemeral yet perfect experiences locked inside, where they can stay undamaged forever. We all have these snapshot-moments...
August 2010
2 posts
what I do for a living:
“But seriously: were you personally motivated to actually [do what the e-mail said]? If you weren’t, I want to get it to a place where you were. And if you didn’t need further persuading, I’d want to get it to a place where it convinces your mom that she has to [do what the e-mail said] too.”
The lawyers try to persuade the judges. I try to persuade real people.
oh, yu guys...
Roommate: Hey! So, the place I’m thinking of is called chef yu. It’s at 520 8th ave. Yay!
Oh Allison: Yay! I can't wait to see yu there!! hahahha.
Roommate: Hahaha-yu. I love yu.
July 2010
19 posts
I love those days when everything you look at... →
“Not since Theseus fought the Minotaur in his maze has a fight been so...”
– I hate you so much, Maureen Dowd.
'border'-ing on funny... haaar
me: I just thought of a dumb pun
I know, ME
Doug: what is it?
me: Papers please? Sure, if by "papers" you mean the "Federalist Papers."
hahaha
such an aclu joke
Doug: hah, oh allison
me: yup
“This is the thing about being extroverted: It’s so easy to talk to...”
– Oh, Allison
when you're alone and life is making you lonely...
Doug: so i was just reading the overheard in dc post from dcist
and there was this
On the Yellow line traveling from Archives to Gallery Place this week
Confused foreign tourist woman: "... but I thought Chinatown was in San
Francisco!"
me: hahahahahaha
Doug: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MY MOM SAID WHEN IN NEW YORK
me: WHAAAAT????
WHAAAAAAAAT
Doug: but replace san fransisco with DC
me: WHAAAAAAAT
oh my god.
Doug: when i was talking about chinatown
me: oooh my god.
retaaaarded.
chinatown in dc = one block of fake chinese letters
Doug: she was like "wait we are in new york, isn't chinatown in dc?"
i knowwww
me: whoooa
wow
Doug: welcome to linda's world
me: when I was three, I was confused because downtown new york and downtown annapolis were both referred to as downtown, but I thought it just meant they were all in some secret downtown underground railroad... even three year old allison was smarter than linda ticker
I understood there could be more than one downtown
"My wife's lived with me in places I wouldn't take... →
now that right there is love. actually, you could argue that deciding to actually be married to mike tyson in the first place probably is the pinnacle of love.
it’s infuriating when someone suddenly becomes unreliable the moment you actually need them to be reliable. it makes me feel powerless and ready to kill.
things doug ticker knows
me: I'm insane
and competitive
you know these things of course, correct?
Doug: yeah
Most people may in some way or another also know these things about me. But, with some things, Doug Ticker is the only one who really completely understands.
Thus his invention of the catch phrase: oh allison.
Normally, deception isn't called rape... →
Normally, it’s called seduction.
Racist and wrong. Israel as Alabama, circa 1950.
Last Year for Whartscape →
bethlehems:
veeka:
bethlehems:
(via grammarslammer): Overall I think this is a good thing.
I’m so happy about this I’m putting it in my arts roundup tomorrow morning.
Hahahaha Alex, didn’t you hate it last year?
Personally, I enjoy most of Whartscape and think it’s fun but I understand why they want to move in another direction.
Vicki’s right: I had like the worst day of my life at...
The Carroll County Times (and Annapolis Capital)
bethlehems:
anaforo:
I can no longer read this newspaper. Amateurish journalism is a turnoff.
I await the day my parents end their subscription to The Capital.
Or just cut out the middle man and wait until the capital goes the way of other newspapers and shuts down. You may be chagrined by the quality of the writing/reporting, but think about the void left in the absence of a robust local...
not to be a curmudgeon...
txtsfrmlstnght:
(606): He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes… Ugh I hate being drunk.
but that’s why you don’t fuck people you don’t actually know.
The most painfully self-aware headline ever →
“To Get an Internship at City Hall, It’s Not Always What You Know”
ie
“I’m going to subvert a cliche by not subverting it at all”
would it be nice
if there were some way to make the same predictable complaints novel? I don’t mind having them, as long as I have new, exciting ways of expressing them to new, receptive audiences.
from smart phone to retarded phone
me: I think my text messages aren't working
can you send me one?
Doug: sure
me: I'm gonna try to send you one too
I sent it, let me know if you get it
Doug: i never got your text
and i assume you didn't get mine
me: yeah, they just turned it back on
stupid at&t
Doug: they turned it off?
me: yeah
Doug: why would at&t turn off your texts? that's really werid
me: because I had them change it from iphone to shitty phone
and they turned off texts like retards
me: it's funny because I had wondered why you were "ignoring" my texts I had sent you on friday
Doug: haha
me: ooh shit
you know what THIS means!
here's your cue:
Doug: oh
Allison
oh, dan l*****n
djamitai: I broke up with you due to long emails fyi
me: fuck you
djamitai: jk but seriously
me: hahaha
oh, whoever
chat participant a: I just got this awkward e-mail
"By any chance do you want to meet up for a drink tonight? I am curious to find out why you have dropped off the face of the earth."
chat participant b: hahahaha
that's the most amazing email ive ever read
he expects you to say yes to that?
chat participant a: no way, remember the one from that weirdo last year?
chat participant b: ooooooh right
what is it about you and odd ducks?
June 2010
3 posts
everyone's favorite: menstruation! (again)
me: it's funny, I realized I think my adderall doesn't work on my period because it doesn't get absorbed in the bloodstream
Amanda: i feel similarly
or if I dont eat enough
me: no but you're losing blood
so it leaves your system
Amanda: hmm i dont know if adderal affects the lining of your uterus
me: no, but blood
the blood being circulated in your body is leaking out
doesn't matter if it's your uterus or your arm, you're losing it
Amanda: i feel like thats different blood lol
me: nope
it's all in your circulatory system
it's not like you have a different heart in your uterus
testing, 1, 2, 3...
I feel like I just passed a final exam that I’d been studying for for a year - or two. It’s draining and it leaves you bereft, but in the end you’re left with tangible proof of your progress.
Whew. My brain needs a break.
supervising can get messy sometimes
It took me a few internship seasons, but now that I have a better understanding of how to supervise interns, I love having them. It’s symbiotic. They help me so much, and I’m happy I can help them learn skills that will help them in their career.
My new intern started today, and since it was my first time meeting her, I wanted to give her a welcome hug. But I wasn’t paying...
May 2010
1 post
oh rapunzel
so I was on my balcony on this blustery day, and I suddenly realize I close the door. Usually I make sure to keep it ajar at least a little lest I lock myself out.
today I locked myself out.
But, as a result of two other Oh Allison experiences in the past few months (dropping and cracking my phone, then running with it in the rain), I had a new phone, and I hadn’t programmed my landlord or...
April 2010
1 post
January 2010
1 post
a snippet of my 2009
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 26. My birthday was shitty. 29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My grandmother not dying. 30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? Joan Holloway 31. What kept you sane? John Hardenbergh, relatives, Doug, Charlotte, Vicki, Amanda, biking, things to look forward to, my boss,...
December 2009
12 posts
a cut and paste job
me: lol I meant to send someone that link but instead pasted the last thing I copied
and my IM said "Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page!" without any context at all
hahahahaha
Word of the day:
“jilf”
I just learned it. Highly applicable, whether you’re a boy or a girl!
“The believe-it-or-not superlatives are so extreme and Tom Swiftian they make you...”
– Kurt Andersen, Vanity Fair
“so it’s like I have to struggle with suicidal ideations every month...”
– Oh, Allison.
Gold stars for Oh Allison
The fire alarm went off, and I was such a good girl. I’m right across from the stairwell, so I got my keys, got my coat, and got ready to go downstairs.
And the coworkers in the hallway say, “Just a test!”
Oh. Oops.
But hey, I win the award for Most Concerned About Not Dying In A Fire.
real time pre-period depression chat, #3
me: god I hope this is just my period
every time before my period I go through the fear that it's serious depression and I'll never be happy
it's the pits
Sent at 6: 47 PM on Monday
me: lol, guess what
amandaplanacanalpanama: what
me: just guess
based on what I wrote
I got my stupid period just now
hahahaha
amandaplanacanalpanama: hahahah awesomeeee
me: it's insaaaane how accurate my mood is in terms of predicting period
depression is like so so recognizable
it's insane
pre-period depression chat transcription #2
me: so the crazy thing is today I was really really depressed
and whenever I get really really depressed I know it’s usually my period
but there’s always a nagging voice
“what if you’re going to be depressed forever and you’ll never be happy and life holds nothing for you?”
Charlotte: :/
of course
how depression works womp womp
me: and then I go to the...
pre-period depression chat transcription #1
me: ha
god I have day-of-period depression
I like want a burger
I always freak out thinking I will be depressed forever
and then the same day I'm like
"OH SHIT WHO WAS RIGHT"
it's like clockwork
"life is hopeless..."
"hello period!"
someone in the world: as shitty as 2009 was, I definitely got a lot of ass
that person's friend: that's a paradox
facebook dil-emmas
Oh Allison: okay I'm sending out an email via gmail
because I fucking hate that facebook events app
and it's not really an "event"
I just want to hang out with people
Erik: fucking facebook events
"You are my friend you hardly know"
"I am going to send you 8 invites a day to go to a book discussion about 'radical lesbian bike knitting in the transmodern age'"
fucking shit
Oh Allison: lol I see you are also a friend of red emma's
November 2009
20 posts
this is the real meaning of the where the wild...
me: I wonder if we're all so lonely because our social structure as a society has changed
we used to have tribes with a sense of being communal, there was also a sense of exclusion, but there were rites that defined it
same with small towns
but now the tribe is more amorphous, there is no tribe, and we're waiting for someone to make the rules of it, and everyone thinks everyone else is, so they're not sure whether they're in the tribe or not in the tribe until they find or create a tribe of their own
Sent at 1: 03 AM on Sunday
tribe member: yeah
let's make a tribe
but how
i have no tribe
me: the brilliant, lovely, kind people waiting for the ones in charge of the tribe -- that will be our tribe
Knowing everyone else feels as lonely as I do makes me feel a lot less lonely.
fuck yeah mad men (and new jersey) →
I combine my two favorite things: Mad Men and New Jersey. (I guess three, if you count the gays!) I don’t know if there are too many puns in it though … hmm. Anyway, read it.
For when I get a new computer screen
I can’t make ringtones now, but when I’m able to again, I think a ringtone of Mother by Danzig (it should be obvious who it’s for) would be pretty awesome.
taste the rainbow
txtsfrmlstnght:
(919): he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
